Chapter 7 of Atomic Habits hit me right in the alcoholism. Now I could talk about that as being a more common addiction, OR I can talk about one that isn’t so obvious… 👀 yeahhh imma do that!

Once upon a time,

There was a little girl named Roxy. She learned at an early age the her personality was “too much”. It always got her in trouble. She was very eccentric. She learned to turn down the volume on her personality, only did what she was told, never complained. She turned herself into the daughter that you really couldn’t be upset by.

One day in her first year of high school, she met a boy. After many years of dating, they got married. A few years before they got engaged, she began a journey on the birth control pill. Over the years she tried so many types of the pill, but they all made her excruciatingly tired, made her gain weight, made her hair stop growing, gave her cystic acne… you name it.

But remember, Roxy wasn’t allowed to complain. She realized at the beginning of her marriage that she was being taken for granted and severely emotionally abused. Her thought process was to just stay quiet and keep taking the pill. It became a shield. He could do whatever he wanted to do to Roxy, and she could stay desirable and not feel guilty. And childless, she didn’t want a child to represent her “failures”. Even though the pill made her body sick, she still took it everyday. She designed her own personal prison. One day she began to feel dizzy. Something in her whispered “take a pregnancy test…” sure enough it was positive. A second… positive. At the time she had an IUD so it puzzled her. She went to the hospital and eventually had to have surgery on Valentine’s Day. After she healed, she really had to reflect on if she wanted to keep living like this. She began drinking day and night. There wasn’t one day where her and her husband didn’t yell at each other. One day, he traveled out of the country for work while Roxy stayed home. She didn’t believe in god at the time, but said fuck it. No time like the present. Clapped her hands together, asking god if her and her husband weren’t meant to be, let him cheat while he’s away. AND lemme just say Roxy’s faith has been unshakable since.

After the marriage had officially ended, Roxy began dating. Noticing every-time she got involved with someone she started taking the pill again. Again letting it and them trash her body. Eventually, she learned to drop the pill again after she did that, it’s like her sense of smell changed. All those douche canoes then smelled like the past. She had to change her environment. You cant get better living in where you got sick.

I learned to standup for my body. The pill did what it was supposed to, but my intention to make it a shield? Not so good I turned up the volume on my personality again. Turns out the only ones that don’t like it are fuck boys and my mother. Sounds like a them problem.

The End

Roxy 💊